U-G-L-Y
by Miss Sheba
Summary: It's cheerleader competition day at Orange Star High! Bura and her Supremettes are goin' for the gold! But when Goku brings his ouji-crazy cousin, Mimi, havoc ensues. Is it the FemGem to the rescue? Again? Read!
1. Default Chapter

"U-G-L-Y"  
*******************************  
  
"U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi! You ugly, hey, hey, you ugly!!!"  
Vegeta chuckled lightly as the cheerleaders practiced for the Annual Cheerleading Competition. His daughter, Bura, was part of the star team, The Supremettes.  
"Oh, daddy! I can't wait 'til our turn!" She was now in the stands dressed in her clean and freshly washed ruby-red uniform, as beautiful as a star sapphire. Her usually dirty-white sneakers now shone with a gleam to make new shoes jealous. Vegeta knew she would win. He just came to see the other losers fail.  
"Are you sure you're okay, B-chan?" Vegeta asked, smirking a little. "You look so nervous."  
"Oh, Toussan! I'm not nervous. Just excited." Bura did a little cursty and bounded off to join her team. The audience was nearly filling the stands. 'Most of them are idiot bakas with nothing better to do than stare up the cheeleaders' skirts,' Vegeta thought, frowning. He had gottn the center seats so he could watch his little girl and watch the boys in the stands.  
"Hey, Veggie!" a familiar yet annoying voice called.  
Vegeta smiled. So Kakkarotto came after all. "Hello, Kakkarot," Vegeta mused, "you came to see my little girl win?"  
Goku smiled back, causing Vegeta to momentarily glow. "Nah, I'm here to watch Pan as well as Bura."  
Vegeta shook the redness out of his face and glared at Goku. It so happened that Pan was on one of the opposing teams, The Silverbirds. Vegeta looked out on the field to see a couple of them walking around, their shiny silver uniforms glittering in the afternoon sun. "Ahh! My eyes!" Vegeta was temporarily blinded by the uniforms' shinyness. "Dang it! I could've brought my shades, but nooo, the onna said that we were already late!"  
"Sumthin' wrong, Veggie?" Goku asked worried.  
"No, no, kakkarot. It's alright." Vegeta rubbed his eyes and focused on Goku's worried face. "Eheheheheh." Vegeta felt his face redden again.  
"Son-kun! Veggie-chan!" a bell-like voice called from the center stands. It was Bulma...with snacks!   
"Yay!"Goku cheered while he dove into the popcorn and soda. He looked at Vegeta who was covered with popcorn and drops of soda. "Oh, I'm sorry Veggie. I guess I got a little excited."  
Bulma hid her face so Vegeta couldn't see her snickering. Too funny!  
"Yoo-hoo! Go-chan!" Chi-chi called dragging Goten and Trunks from the hordes of cheerleaders asking for their numbers. She sat them down next to Bulma and beagn to scold them. "Honestly! Don't you boys have any shame?"  
"We're sorry Son Chi-chi-san.."  
"You had better be! Oh hello Goku!" She slid over to sit next to her husband.  
"Hey!" Vegeta cried offended.  
"Sorry, oujiboy," Chi-chi chuckled, "but since Goku is my husband that gives me a right to sit next to him."  
"I was sitting there!" Vegeta yelled. "No fair," he mumbled under his breath, pouting.  
Goku chuckled. "Aww, little Veggie! You can still next to me!" Goku picked vegeta up by the shoulders and placed him between himself and Bulma. "There you go!" Goku grinned. "Now you can sit next to both people that you love!"  
"I don't love you, Bakarrot," Vegeta sneered. He made cutie pie eyes at Bulma. "Hello, Bulma-chan."  
Bulma rolled her eyes. "Men," she laughed blushing.   
"Goku! Go-kun!"  
Goku gasped happily. "Auntie Bessy! Uncle Tim! We're over here!!!"  
Vegeta nearly choked on his soda. "U-uncle Tim?? A-Aunt Bessy?"  
Goku giggled. "Of course, silly Veggie! I invited them!" Goku looked at Vegeta's pale face. "Is there somethin' wrong, V-chan?"  
"They didn't bring that vile daughter of theirs, did they?"  
"You mean, Mimi?"  
"Y-yeah..."  
"GOKU!!!!!!!" A loud voice with a southern accent boomed from the end of the stands. Mimi bounded up the stands, making them shake. Instead of wearing her usual work overalls, she wore a poorly made dress, and the the first pair of socks and shoes that she could find. Her red hair was mess and she smelled like the pigs.   
Vegeta cringed at the sight. "Oh Kami, why??"  
"Hi, Mi-chan!" Goku chirped. "You look nice today!"  
Vegeta grimaced at Goku's compliment. 'What a baka,' he thought. He snorted loudly, getting Mimi's attetion. At the sight of the prince, she squealed with delight.  
"Oh ma Kami! It's ma lil' princey puddin' pie!"  
Bulma, Chi-chi and Goku snickered at Mimi's outburst. "Puddin' pie?" Bulma sniggered. "Oh, vegeta! You and your good looks!" everyone started to laugh.  
"Errr, shut up!!!!"  
Goku wiped a tear from his eye. "I'm sorry, lil' veggie. But Mimi does like you alot, y'know."  
"Yeah, I know." Unbeknownst to vegeta, Mimi had stationed herself between him and Chi-chi. "Hello, short, dark, and gorgeous.." she said (or treid to say) sexily. Vegeta turned around slowly, then let a scream of absolute terror.  
"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
********************************************************************************************  
  
"Leave me alone!!!"  
"Wait! Waiiit!"  
Vegeta had hurried from the stands into the cheerleaders' locker room. He was surprised that Mimi could catch up with him so fast. He was surprised that Goku hadn't come to rescue him. 'Darnit, Kakkarotto! If you don't rescue me, I shall never forgive you!!!'  
********************************************************************************************  
  
"And now, ladies and gentlemen! Let the competition begin!!"   
The judges got into their places in the very front of the stands while the first squad came out doing backflips. Goku, Bulma, Chi-chi and the rest clapped loudly for Pan and Bura.  
"Whoever wins, we'll be happy for them, right Bul-chan?" Chi-chi said.  
"Win, B-chan! Wiiiiin!!" Bulma clenched her fists growling at the competition. Chi-chi sweatdropped. "Oh boy..."  
Goku looked all around him. "Hey, guys? Where's Veggie? And Mimi?"  
Bulma chuckled. "Probably somewhere "talking"..." she said, making a quoation sign on the word "talking".  
Chi-chi started to laugh again, nearly squirting soda out of her nose.  
********************************************************************************************  
  
"Kaka-chaaaaaan!!!" vegeta called while running from the terrible Mimi.  
"Oh Veggie-chan!!" Mimi-called.  
"Oh please! Someone help meeeee!" Vegeta whimpered in a panic. He hid behind an open locker and about to stuff himself in there when he caught sight of something glittery and purple.  
"It's you..." he said disgustedly.  
*Hi, veggie! Havin' a bit o' trouble, laddie?*  
It was Purple Gem. The circular gem floated happily above Vegeta's head, chuckling every now and then.  
"Errr, what are you doing here?!" Veggie looked frantically around the locker for any sign of Mimi. "Can't you see I'm kinda busy here?"  
*What? You're runnin' away from your girlfriend?*  
"She is NOT my girlfriend! She's a monster!!!!!!"  
"Oh, Veggie!"  
Vegeta grabbed the crystal. "You've got to help me! You've got to help meeee!"  
The crystal melted slowly in his hands, absorbing into his skin.   
*I've already have, Vedge. I've already have.*  
In no time at time, instead of a short, cute Saiyajin prince in the locker room, there stood an even shorter, cuter little woman. Her name was...Vegeta, of course.  
"Wow," she chirped, "oh thank you, Purple gem! Thank you thank you thank you!  
"Vegeta?" Mimi peeked aroung the corner, looking for the ouji. "Hey you!"  
Vegeta turned to look at the farmgirl. "Who? Me?"  
Mimi snorted. "Yeah, you, city-girl. You seen a cute ouji 'round here?"  
Vegeta smiled. "Nope, sorry." Mimi snorted again and stomped away.  
"Oh my gawd, she's so ugly..."  
"Yeah, she's scary."  
Vegeta heard the voices come from the other side of the locker room. 'Yikes!' she thought, 'Cheerleaders!' She quickly hurried to the exit, but was stopped by Mimi.   
"Hey! Get outta my way!"  
Mimi smiled evilly. "Hello, Vegeta..."  
********************************************************************************************  
  
Oh no! Mimi found out! Will Vegeta have to run for her life now? Will Mim ever leave Vegeta alone? Will Goku rescue his little buddy??  
  
Goku: [eating hotdogs and drinking soda at record speed] UUUURRRRP!!!!!  
  
Find out! 


	2. "I'm Gonna Beat You Up!"; Purple Gem=Veg...

Hello, everyone! Welcome to another great chapter of "U-G-L-Y". Here it comes!!!  
  
Oh yeah, and here's my very elaborate disclaimer! Done by Vegeta! Take it, ouji!  
  
Vegeta: [comes out in beatnik garb. Bongos start playing.] "My main girlie-o Does...not.owwwn DragonballZ Or..the ly-rics To...Daphney. and Celeste's cool song "U.G.L...and Y.." Stay cool.and enjoy da' read.. Daddy-o." [Fingers are heard snapping in the audience.]  
  
Miss Sheba: *laughing* Groovy, Veggie! Groovy!  
  
"I wonder where Veggie is?" Goku wondered as he tapped his finger on his thigh. Chi-chi sighed. "I'm sure he can take care of himself, Go-chan." "But, but, "Goku stammered, "what if he can't take care of himself? What if he needs our help?" Chi-chi grinned at the prospect of the evil one being in imminent danger. "Oh don't worry, Goku," she purred, "I'm sure that whatever trouble he's in, he won't need your help."  
  
"HELP ME!" Vegeta screamed as she backed away from the advancing Mimi. Mimi just grinned. "Ain't nobody gonna hear you in here, Veggie. So stop yellin'." "Wha-wha are you gonna do to me?" Vegeta asked shakily. "Well, since you're a girl, I cain't chase you around anymores. So." Mimi stopped to think. Vegeta shuddered nervously at the gigantic farm girl. 'I'm stronger than her! Why am I so afraid??' *Because she's so ugly maybe? * 'Purple Gem!' *You didn't think I was going to just leave you here, didja'? * 'I am so glad you're here!!!' *Heh. C'mon, hot stuff; let's escape this walking fashion disaster. I've gotta plan. * 'All right!' "Heh." Mimi mused. "I've finally figured out what to do with you." "Oh yeah?" Vegeta puffed out her already full chest. "What are you gonna do, huh? What?" "I'm gonna beat you up." Vegeta's eyes went wide. "What? Is that it? Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!" She burst out laughing. "You beating ME up? Oh, that's rich! Hahahahahahaha!!!!" Mimi's brows furrowed in anger, making her look scarier. "What's so funny, shrimpette?" Vegeta gasped for breath as she tried to talk. "You are going to beat up ME, the Saiyajin no ouj..o (for now), in a one-on-one battle in a girls locker room?!! Ha!" Vegeta held out her hand to Mimi. "Mimi, Mimi, Mimi. You poor uninformed child. You don't seem to have the gift of reading "chi"." "Whadda you mean?" Mimi cocked her head to the side. "You do have some idea as to how strong your cousin is, right?" "Yeah." "Well, Mimi," Vegeta stepped closer, "I'm just as strong." "Hmmm.," Mimi pondered this, then laughed. "Hahahahaha!!! Liar!! Hahahaha!!!" "You dare call me a liar?!!" Mimi's laughing face suddenly turned evil for a moment. She removed one of her hands from behind her back, revealing an exact replica of the Frying Pan of Doom. 'Oh my Kami.' *Veggie, I think you should run.* 'Yeah.' Ptoing!!!! Faster than a bullet, Vegeta ran to the other side of the locker room. *Stop here!* 'Whyyyyy?!' *This is where my plan will work! * '???' *Just trust me! * "Here I come, Veggie-chan!!!!!!!!" said a demonic voice that used to be a farm girl's. Vegeta gasped. *Don't move.* The crystal's ghost form floated out of Vegeta's body and down the locker room, where Mimi was. The next thing Vegeta heard was a loud BOINK! and all was silent. *Haha! Got her! She's out cold Vegeta! * The ghost form floated back into Vegeta's head. 'That was excellent!' *Thank you, no applause, please.* 'Now what's the plan?' *Plan? * "Augh!" Vegeta fell over anime style. 'Yes! The plan?!' *Oh yeeah.THE plan. * 'Oh brother..' *Or sister!* 'Please explain it.' *Ahh, yes. You see Vegeta, to get rid of Mimi is not to run away from her, belittle her, or even fight her. The only way, my dear Saiyajin, to get rid of girls like Mimi is to let the prettiest girls in the school do all the work for you.* Out of seemingly nowhere, Bura's troupe of cheerleaders came from behind the lockers. "We heard you were having some trouble, Vegeta," said a pretty blonde. "We came as fast as we could when we heard the screams," another girl said. *You see, Vegeta. I explained it all to them. Bura helped, y'know. * As if on cue, Bura came out of hiding also. "Hey, Tou-chan!" she chirped. Vegeta blushed. "So that means that you all are going to help me?" The cheerleaders nodded. Vegeta felt like crying. "Kami bless you all." ************************************************************************ "And now, ladies and gentlemen!" the announcer said, his voice booming over the stands. "The moment you all have been waiting for! Introducing Orange Star High School's Supremettes!" "Yay!" Goku, Chi-chi, and Bulma cheered on Bura's team. Goku looked around for a blue head of hair. "Oh well, she's not out yet." he said. "That's okay, Goku," Bulma said, adjusting her camcorder. "She's probably adding the finishing touches on her uniform."  
  
"My granddaughter did pretty well, didn't she, Goku?" Chi-chi sighed as she remembered the flips and trips of the Silverbirds. "Huh? Oh yeah, sure, Chi-chan." Chi-chi narrowed her eyes. "Don't tell me you still miss that ouji, Goku?" "No, it's just, well." Goku trailed off sadly. 'Vegeta would've loved to see Bura doing her thing. And now he's gonna miss it.' "Cheer up, Son-kun," Bulma said absentmindedly. "Vegeta's always like this. Sometimes I think he's socially retarded." "Hmm." Goku sighed. "Here's your uniform!" said Cheryl, the co-captain. Vegeta looked at the ruby-red uniform. "Do I really have to wear this?" "Yup!" Cheryl nodded happily. Vegeta pulled the short skirt up over her legs. "Man, this skirt is too short!" "It's not that short," grumbled Melissa, the choreographer. "Now to do something about that hair," Bura mused. Vegeta stiffened. "And what's wrong with it?" Cheryl patted the Saiyajin's spiky locks. "It's too long and too big. We need to braid it." "What?!" "Calm down, Tou-chan." Bura giggled. She began braiding it into a long ponytail. "There! I'm done!" "Awww." "What is there to "aww" about?" Vegeta asked grumpily. Bobbi, the captain, squealed happily. "Not only are you short and cute, now you're short and cuter!" "Huh?" "Look in the mirror, Tou-chan." Bura said teasingly. The cheerleaders led Vegeta over to a full-length mirror. Vegeta opened her eyes to see a short, cute cheerleader with a long ponytail going down her back staring back at her. "Wow." Vegeta looked at herself in awe. "I look pretty..." "Of course you do!" Bura said, smiling. She looked at her watch. "Okay, girls! Let's get cheery!" "Yay!" Vegeta watched as the rest of the cheerleaders filed out to the field. 'Do you really think I can do this, P.G.?' *Of course, darling. Have fun! * "Mmm, mmm.." Vegeta stopped. "What was that?" *What was what? * 'That sound. It sounded like, like.' *Oh my Kami.* 'It can't be.' Mimi sat up with a look of pure rage on her face. "RAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!" Vegeta screamed. "She's gonna eat me!!!" *Let's high tail it outta here!!! * "Okay!' And with that sped out onto the field, with Mimi hot on her heels.  
  
************************************************************************ "Bu-ra! Bu-ra!" Bulma chanted as Bura and the cheerleaders walked on the field. "Ooooh, nice costumes!" Chi-chi said while drinking her soda. "I miss my Veggie." Goku whined. "It'll be okay, Son-kun," Aunt Bessy said gently. "I'm sure Mi-chan is takin' good care of him." snickered Uncle Tim. "Tim!" Aunt Bessy scolded. She turned to Goku. "Don't you worry, Go- chan. If we don't find Vegeta, then Mimi probably would." "RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!" "Ahhhh!!!" Goku sat up. "That sounds like Veggie's voice! Only higher." Bura grinned at Goku from the field. 'Goku-san's gonna be so impressed with Tou-chan that he's gonna leave that mean ole' witch Chi-chi and stay with us!' Just then Vegeta sped out into the field with Mimi stomping behind her, roaring. "Yikes, she's awake?!" Cheryl asked, shocked. "We're going to have to start now!" Bobbi called. (Organ music plays) [Vegeta stops in the middle of the field.]  
  
Vegeta: OKAY, I'M A CHEERLEADER NOW! [She starts to dance.]  
  
U-G-L-Y, YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI! YOU UGLY! HEY, HEY, YOU UGLY! U-G-L-Y, YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI! YOU UGLY! HEY, HEY, YOU UGLY!  
  
[The other cheerleaders join her.]  
  
U-G-L-Y, YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI! YOU UGLY! HEY, HEY, YOU UGLY! U-G-L-Y, YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI! YOU UGLY! HEY, HEY, YOU UGLY!  
  
[Vegeta saunters up to an angry Mimi.]  
  
"I saw you walkin' down the street, the other day I didn't your damage from that far away I should've got a clue when the kids started screamin' You walked up to me with your buckteeth a-gleamin' Your hair is all frizzy; your face is a mess I thought that was a sackcloth, it's your favorite dress! You scared all the trees; the birdies all flew I don't mean to insult you, oh wait, yes I do!"  
  
[Crowd laughs.] [Bura comes to the front. Pointing at Mimi.]  
  
"Your teeth are yellow, they're covered in mold You're only fourteen, you look a hundred years old!"  
  
Vegeta: "When faces were handed out, you were last in line Your face looks like where the sun don't shine!"  
  
Bura: "Did you fall offa' building an' land on your head? Or did they throw up all over your face instead?"  
  
Cheryl: There ain't no pill, 'cause you ain't ill You're ugly!!  
  
Cheerleaders: U-G-L-Y, YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI! YOU UGLY! HEY, HEY, YOU UGLY! U-G-L-Y, YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI, YOU UGLY! HEY, HEY, YOU UGLY!  
  
Bura: "What you really need is to wear a mask And book that plastic surgeon fast, girl..."  
  
Vegeta: "You're scary, you're hairy I heard about you You're the main attraction at the city zoo!" [cowers in "fear"]  
  
Bura: "You're so fat n' ugly with a belly full of flab When you put on the yellow coat people shout out, "CAB!""  
  
Vegeta: [to Bura] That's funny!  
  
Bura: Yeah!  
  
Cheryl: "You got eyes like a pig and your nose is big With hair like that You should be wearin' a wig!"  
  
Bobbi: "Uncle Fester, remember him? I never knew you had a twin!"  
  
Bura: [grabs Mimi's eyelids and pulls them back] "You can't disguise your googly eyes [slaps a paper crown on Mimi's head] In the Miss Ugly Pageant, you win first prize!"  
  
Cheryl: "Yo' mama said you ugly!"  
  
Cheerleaders: [pointing to Mimi] You UGLY!!!!!!!! U-G-L-Y, YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI! YOU UGLY, HEY, HEY, YOU UGLY! U-G-L-Y, YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI! YOU UGLY, HEY, HEY, YOU UGLY!  
  
Bobbi: Get busy!  
  
[The cheerleaders start doing flips and dancing around. Vegeta and Bura join too.]  
  
Goku watched the cheerleader with the long ponytail in shock. There was Vegeta, no, the female version of Vegeta dancing around in a cheerleading outfit! She was singing, too! Bulma and Chi-chi couldn't tape anymore because they were laughing so hard. The rest of the crowd seemed to love it even though the cheerleaders were teasing the mess outta that weird looking girl down there. The judges nodded to each other. They seemed to have found their winning team.  
  
Vegeta:  
  
U, U, U, U.now I feel like Blondie . [The cheerleaders strip off their current uniform, revealing red army shorts and red tank tops underneath.]  
  
Cheerleaders:  
  
U-G-L-Y, YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI! YOU UGLY, HEY, HEY, YOU UGLY! U-G-L-Y, YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI! YOU UGLY, HEY, HEY, YOU UGLY!!!!!!!  
  
Bura: Quasimoto!  
  
Vegeta: Camel breath!  
  
Bura: [singsong] Square head!  
  
Cheerleaders: UGLY!!!  
  
Vegeta: Chicken lips!  
  
Bura: Horny toad!  
  
Vegeta: Chin like Bubba!  
  
Cheerleaders: UGLY!!!  
  
Vegeta: Fish lips!  
  
Bura: Toad licker!  
  
Vegeta: Poindexter.  
  
Cheerleaders: UGLY!!!!  
  
Bura: Spaghetti arms!  
  
Vegeta: Limp butt!  
  
Both: Freak show!  
  
Cheerleaders: UGLY!!!  
  
Everyone:  
  
U-G-L-Y, YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI! YOU UGLY! HEY, HEY, YOU UGLY!! U-G-L-Y!  
  
Bura: You could make an onion cry!  
  
U-G-L-Y!  
  
Vegeta: Like an alien chased by the F.B.I.!!!  
  
Everyone [sans Mimi]:  
  
U-G-L-Y, U-G-L-Y,  
  
Judges: U-G-L-Y!  
  
Crowd in stands: U-G-L-Y!  
  
Cheerleaders: U-G-L-Y! U-G-L-Y!  
  
Vegeta: U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you.  
  
Everyone: UGLY!  
  
[Crowd goes wild!!!]  
  
Mimi sniffed. That song really hurt her feelings. "Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!" she wailed as she ran off the field. "Whoa," Cheryl said, "Do you think we were a bit too hard on her?" Vegeta's eyes widened. "How could've we been anymore harder on her than I have?!! We were just telling her what I told her when I first met her!!" "She is right, y'know," Bura said thoughtfully. Just then, Mr. Announcer came rushing down the stands with the first place trophy. "Ladies and gentlemen! We have a winner!!!!!!!" Chi-chi and Bulma jumped for joy. "Yay! Bura won! And Vegeta won, too! Yay!!!!!!!" Goku just shook his head. "I will never understand Vegeta." "Go-kuuuun!!!!" sobbed Mimi. "Am I really that ugly?" Goku smiled the Son Smile at her and right away Mimi knew that those nasty cheerleaders were wrong and she was beautiful.  
  
The End! See? It all came to a good end for everyone! I hope you people like it! 


End file.
